Throughout this past year I made a lot of drastic changes in my life - I changed schools (and programs), moved into my own apartment, eliminated the people who were bringing negativity into my life, and brought in (and kept!) so many positive ones. It seemed as though I was having one revelation after another, but when it came down to it, all I really did was begin to listen to myself and trust my intuitions. Paying attention to what your gut is telling you isn't always the easiest thing. Sometimes we ignore those feelings because we are afraid to go for what we really want or because it can be hard to accept the fact that certain people aren't meant to be a part of our lives. Recently, I've realized that doing what brings you happiness is key, and that doing so should be made a priority. I get asked a lot how I manage to remain so positive and stress-free, and although those qualities make up a huge part of who I am, I'm not always that way. The past couple weeks in my life have been extremely hectic: In addition to a few writing projects I've taken on, I have class three nights a week and work two jobs, while still tricking myself into believing that I have time to keep up with my social life. I have a lot of friends who take on even more than I do, and I commend them for it. Just like the rest of the world, stress gets to me, but I do have a few simple, yet effective rules to live by to keep your happiness on track.
1. Trust your gut
During my time at U of T I always knew deep down that I wasn't meant to be there, at least not at the time. In doing what I thought was expected of me, I blocked out any chance I had at asking myself what is was I really loved and wanted to be doing. For me it was hard, because I do have a lot of hobbies and interests, most of which I would like to remain as such things. One of the things I disliked most about university was having to pump out essay after essay. I disliked it so much that I forgot that there was actually a time that I really enjoyed writing. About halfway through second year I started writing for fun again - songs, blog posts, I even kept a journal for a while. It became evident to me that this was a passion of mine that I wanted to devote more time to. I had applied to a creative writing program back home, and although I'm glad I stayed in Toronto, I should have trusted my intuition and let my passion guide me. Often, we go against our intuitions because of a fear that it might be the "wrong" decision. The truth is, if it feels right to you then it almost always is. I can name a multitiude of times I've gone against my gut, only to have it come back and haunt me later on. I've trusted people I shouldn't, made a few poor choices, and kept chapters of my life open that I knew I should have closed long before I actually did. It's OK to make those mistakes though, and I think the more you do, the more you realize how accurate your insticts are. Eventually you learn to trust yourself, and once you do, life becomes so much easier.
2. Cleanse toxic friends
For me, this one is probably the hardest to follow. I try my best to be nice to everybody, but that can be hard to keep up when people treat you poorly. Lately I've had a few people who used to be friends of mine do shady things, act extremely cold towards me, and abuse my trust. Although it's always disappointing to see those sides of people, it really just puts who your real friends are and what kind of people you want in your life into much greater perspective. When I'm caught in tough situations with friends or acquaintances, I do try to take the high road, but I don't think taking the high road always means you need to keep those people in your life. Sometimes taking the high road is just walking away. I'm lucky enough to have so many amazing, kind friends in my life that it's become this effortless habit for me to say "Adios!" to people who don't treat me well. The more you surround yourself with positive people, the negative ones stand out, and it becomes easy to let them go.
3. "Everything in moderation, including moderation"
I always come across this quote when I'm reading about health and diets. You know, diet and eat in moderation as much as you can, but then allow yourself to go crazy and do whatever you want once in a while. As much as it applies to what you eat, it can apply to almost every other aspect of your life as well. I think one of the keys to being happy is realizing that you can't feel that way all the time, no matter how hard you try. Our emotions come in moderation, and sometimes we have no choice but to let them take over us when one is overpowering the rest. I think the idea is to let yourself feel however you're feeling for a while, but then to allow yourself to transition from that chapter and into the next. If you confine yourself 100% of the time, you're going to drive yourself insane. To me this quote means that as important it is to have rules and balance in your life, sometimes it's OK to break free and fly off the handle bars, or in my case, have that extra scoop of chocolate ice cream.
4. Express gratitude
If you have access to a computer and are able to read this, chances are you have a lot to be thankful for. I know we hear it all the time that there are others less fortunate than us out there, etc, etc, but it really is true. I know I have a lot to be thankful for - my family and the overwhelming amount of help and support they have given me, my health, my well being, and just my life in general. Life can get so busy that we don't always realize how good we have it. Just taking a moment of your day to appreciate how lucky you are for what you have can be such a satisfying and rewarding feeling. It's easier to feel sorry for ourselves than it is to acknowledge what we do have. Whether it's that moment before you go to bed, or the ten minute bus ride you take to get to work, there is always a second to express gratitude and appreciate the good things life has brought your way.
5. Just be you
I'm not known to take hashtags to the extreme, but one that I've taken upon myself to throw into everyday conversations with friends is a joking "#hatersgonnahate." Sometimes I say it ironically, but usually it's just my silly way of telling whoever I'm talking to that they rock and that they shouldn't let others bring them down. Here are a few final quotes from some celebrities and fellow bloggers about being yourself and ridding your life of haters..
Love yourself,
trust yourself,
and happiness will follow.
With love,
Ciara
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