Undermine (as sung by cowriter, Kasey Musgraves)
Sometimes good intentions don't come across so well...
Get me analyzing everything that ain't worth thinking 'bout.
Just 'cause I ain't lived through the same hand that was dealt to you,
Doesn't make me any less or make any more of you.
I wouldn't trade my best day
So you could validate
All your fears.
And if I only got one shot
Won't waste it on a shadow box
I'll stand right here.
It's all talk, talk, talk,
Talkin' in the wind.
It only slows you down if you start listening.
And it's a whole lot harder to shine than undermine.
In order to be fully prepared for the season premiere next week, I recently restarted watching Nashville. In the second episode, Hayden Panettiere's character writes the song above, entitled "Undermine", with a musician she is trying to win over. Despite the romance that accompanies this scene, I think that this song contains a very positive message to keep in mind when being challenged by bullies or haters. If you're too lazy to read through everything, the song essentially refers to the idea that it's easier to bring people down than it is to boost yourself up, and that listening to those negative remarks will only "slow you down."
The Nashville version of "Undermine"
Around nine years ago, a movie that would prove to be iconic amongst my generation was released. Along with every other girl my age, I became obsessed with the masterpiece that contained endless amout of quotable scenes that I still use on a regular basis in my everyday life. Tina Fey's Mean Girls both mocked the high school system at the time, as well as influenced the teens watching the film. Personally, I took away a multitude of useful lessons and tips from this film: I learned that my breasts have a purpose aside from attracting the opposite sex (they can tell when it's raining), that sex can actually be a very dangerous activity (you could get pregnant and DIE), and that I shouldn't go to Taco Bell if I'm on an all-carb diet. Unfortunately, some girls out there took away much more than I did. Bringing terms such as "grotsky little be-otch" and "fat hoar" into everyday life, creating elite social circles that exclude anyone who isn't physically "perfect" by their standards, and dishing out insults that even Regina George herself would be impressed with, Mean Girls found its way into reality. That's not to say that there was no bullying prior to the film's release, or that this was the first film of it's kind (Heathers and Clueless had an influence over the plot), but for some, acting like one of the Plastics became OK with a bit of reassurance from the big screen.
This past weekend I was in line at a club and one of the girls started talking about how bothered she was by girls who hate on each other. I didn't know this girl, but I couldn't have agreed with her more. I've said it before in previous friendship posts, but I really am fortunate to have the girlfriends that I do. It would be very difficult for me to call any of the girls that I hang out with malicious or negative, but unfortunately I do know people who inform me that they couldn't say the same about the girls in their social circles. Rarely do I feel the need to compete with other girls, at least not when it comes to things such as physical appearance, comebacks, attitude, or boys. That's not to say that I don't jokingly use Mean Girls quotes such as "Boo, you whore!" or "Get in loser, we're going shopping" to my girlfriends, but I only do it to people who I know will appreciate the humour, instead of taking those words literally. Just as there is a fine, fine line between repeating a story and gossiping, I also believe there is a similar line between referencing Mean Girls in everyday life and actually having it become your life.
As I write this post, I sit in the food court at the Eaton Center. I literally just heard one of the girls at the table beside me say to her coworker "I don't know any other girls who work here, at least not any pretty ones." To every girl out there: we have got to stop judging each other based on appearances. Sure, I like to put in effort into my outfits in order to appear stylish and classy, but I would never intentionally judge someone else based on the way they choose to physically present themselves to the world. As much as I like to meet people who possess similar interests and qualities to my own, I equally enjoy meeting people who lead completely different lives than I do. The fact that someone is much different from you shouldn't be perceived in a negative way, it should be viewed as an opportunity to branch out and learn new things. Is it really that hard to spread a little love?
Obviously everyone gossips and recounts events about other people to their friends. It's when it could potentially hurt the person in subject that it becomes a bad thing. My personal rule of thumb is that when talking about people, if I would have a problem recounting what I am saying about them to their face then I most likely shouldn't be letting those words come out of my mouth. I'm not perfect, nobody is. Everybody has slip-ups, but there comes a time when you need to learn from those errors, grow up, and make a conscious effort to refrain from trash talking, so that you don't relive the same mistakes over and over again. As the song I posted in the beginning states, "it's a whole lot harder to shine than [it is to] undermine." Yes, it can be easier at times to tear somebody down than it is to bring yourself or that person up, especially when you're feeling insecure, but tearing people down ultimately does more bad than it does good. Once you make it a habit, it's so easy to compliment people on a regular basis. The best? Complementing strangers. It's one thing to hear a positive remark from a friend, but when it comes from someone who doesn't even know you, it has the power to make your day. I try my best to find something positive in everyone I meet. Sure, there will be people who choose not to reciprocate and act cold towards you for no reason, but those people probably aren't worth your time anyways, or at the very least not worth stressing over. I'd be lying if I said I was the best judge of character. There have been times when I've gone with my intuition and let someone into my life who I believed to be a good friend, only to later be wronged by them. On the contrary, there have been times when I've had my reserves about people, only to later consider them some of my good friends. The lesson I've taken from this: be friendly and kind to everyone, just be smart about who you let all the way in. If you're fortunate enough to have a solid group of friends, keep encouraging each other, compliment each other, and help each other whenever someone needs you to be there. It's important to give each other little reminders as to why you are a part of each other's lives.
Good friends can be hard to find, but only if you don't know where to look. Bars, work, cafes, class - anywhere where you have the opportunity to strike up a conversation with someone is an opportunity to make a new friend. There are times when I feel a bit socially shy and awkward in large groups, but in general I try not to let that part of myself take over. The more open you are, the easier making friends becomes, and before you know it, you'll have the people in your life that you always dreamed present. You won't make friends by acting like a plastic from Mean Girls; however, and I speak from experience, you will make PLENTY of friends by quoting it.
But actually. I do.
With love,
Ciara
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